Choices Pt. 9/9: The Choice to Want Jesus More

Well, the year has ended and so must this “choices” blog series!  But as we end one chapter and begin another, I ask: What do you want this next year to look like?  New year’s “resolutions” abound: “I will lose weight this year.”  “I will exercise five days each week.”  “I will spend more time in daily devotions.”  And short-lived as these “resolutions” may be (most lasting 30 days, if that…), we at least WANT to do better!

But deeper than these goals, I believe we have hopes and dreams for our year that, while we may not verbalize or share them, are there in our minds and strongly on our hearts: “I hope I meet the person I’m going to marry this year.”  “I really want to make something of myself this year and prove that I can do it.“  “I wish that this year God would show me what I’m supposed to do with my life and how to do something meaningful.”  “I just want to finally be happy and fulfilled this year.”

And while these deep-seated hopes and dreams may be legitimate, needed, and even noble, I ask today: Do you want Jesus more?  Do I want Jesus more?  Do we really want to know Him, be close to Him, and grow our relationship with Him more than any of these things? 

Jesus once told his followers, “If anyone comes after Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:26).  This can seem like a hard saying.  “Hate” is a strong word!  But the word used there can also be translated “to love less.” Essentially, Jesus says that if you love your love interest, your family, your life – anything – more than Him, you can’t follow Him.  And yeah, we probably already knew this intellectually. God first, then others, then me, right?

But what about when wanting Jesus more means that I might have to give up a relationship that I really want but know is not God’s ideal?  What if it means I have to faithfully stay in my humble, even boring job until (and if) God leads me to something “better”?  What if it means poverty? What if I have to give up some things that are “fun” for me?  What if I have to turn down a prestigious opportunity to be true to my faith, family and calling? What if it means being alone? What if it means never being recognized?  What if it means… that some of my hopes and dreams will not be fulfilled??

I’ve found myself face to face with some of these questions this year.   Face to face with “giving up” some of my dreams and some of my hopes.  Face to face with saying, “No, I want You more, Jesus” when my heart was saying otherwise.  Sometimes the words have been written with tears.  It’s like holding out those dreams in open hands instead of clinched fists, unsure if they’ll be snatched away or left with me to keep.

Some days loving Jesus more may mean clinging with everything you have to what He’s promised:  “Lord, You promised that you would satisfy my mouth with good things!” (Ps. 103:5).  “You said that those who seek you will not lack any good thing!” (Ps. 34:10).  Some days it may be a faith walk like the Selah song “Unredeemed” where we’re waiting to see if it’s true that:

“These are places where grace is soon to be so amazing.

It may be unfulfilled, it may be unrestored,

But when anything that’s shattered

Is laid before the Lord

Just watch and see, it will not be,

Unredeemed.”

Yes, the choice to love Jesus more means that I must believe that He IS more.  I must believe that He knows more.  I must believe that He can redeem more.  And I must believe that He’s worth more.  And how will I know if these things are true?  I must give Him more.  You’ll never know the strength of a chair till you put your whole weight on it.  And I’ll never know the strength of my redeemer till I stake my whole life on it.

Through it all, I’ve found one thing this year: Jesus is faithful.  Through all the choices, through the experiences, through all the dreams realized and dreams given up, I do believe that I’ve found something worth more.  There is nothing that I’ve given to Jesus that He hasn’t replaced, restored, or resurrected in some way, shape, or form.  And after testing Him, I can honestly say now that I DO want Him more.

So this new year, will I choose again to say, “Jesus, you know I want _______, ________, and ________, BUT I want You more”?   Will Jesus mean more to me this time next year than He does now?  What will He mean to you?  The choices are always ours.