When Dreams Die
I’ve always been one with a lot of dreams in life – everything from changing the world for Jesus, to travelling the globe, to the million and one projects I’d love to do, to deeper things like being loved, secure and fulfilled. I’d love to have it all in the idealistic world of Michelle. But maybe you, like me, have realized that not all our dreams come true in this life. Maybe it was the career you’ll never have due to an injury. Maybe the future that’s not to be due to the death of a loved one. Maybe it’s the romance that ended in spite of all the bright hope it seemed to hold. Maybe you’ve made choices that you’re now paying the price for. Maybe it’s just realizing that God’s plans for you might be different than the ones you had in mind.
Whatever the case, the death of a dream isn’t easy. It can be anywhere from slightly disappointing to earth-shatteringly devastating. It’s hard to keep faith in the face of it. It’s hard to trust when I can’t understand what in the world God is doing with it all. Sometimes there’s a sacrifice. And sacrifice isn’t an easy word. It makes me think of the patriarch Abraham, trekking up the mountain with his only son and a bundle of wood. God had promised him a legacy – through Isaac! And now that dream was about to die. Isaac was about to die! Why would God ask this? Why does God seem to ask us to lay even good dreams on the altar at times? Here are my ponderings.
1. To test us: “Michelle, maybe God just wants you to be willing.” It wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I was sick of where I was and what I was doing. I didn’t see how it was good for me. I wanted out. I felt like I NEEDED out! Yet here was my mentor, telling me to be willing? It was a sacrifice I didn’t want to make. And maybe you’ve been there. The circumstances don’t make sense. It goes against everything you want. And God says, “Are you willing?” In the instance above, I think the Lord finally did bring me to the point of being willing. And interestingly, He THEN provided a way out. I didn’t end up having to go through with it... The doors opened and the exit came. And I took it – but actually with a lot more thought and prayer than I dreamed I would. Looking back, I realize that it was a test for me to face. And sometimes God tests us in this way. At the last minute He’ll step in and hold back the knife like with Abraham and Isaac, but He’s asking for our trust first. Am I willing?
2. To “alter” our plans for something better: When I was studying about laying things on the “altar,” I at first had trouble finding what I was looking for due to what I realized were my superlative spelling skills… Yup, there’s a difference between “altar” and “alter” with an e... The latter refers to adjusting something, making it different, or, according to Google, “to change or cause to change in character or composition, typically in a comparatively small but significant way.” And it struck me then that sometimes God may ask us to put our dreams on the “altar” because He’s about to “alter” them. Maybe God’s about to take your plastic pearls and give you real ones. Maybe His ways are higher - He wants to do more than we ever dreamed – but he can’t until we let go of the inferior dreams we cling to. As C.S. Lewis said in his sermon “The Weight of Glory”:
“It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
Or, to put it another way: “We are never called upon to make a real sacrifice for God…. Even when called upon to surrender those things which in themselves are good, we may be sure that God is thus working out for us some higher good.” – The Ministry of Healing p. 473
The tricky part is that in the process, we can’t always see that! They may say that when God closes a door He opens a window, but at the moment the door closes, nothing else may be visible. I don’t see what the finished alteration will look like. And again, I am challenged to trust.
3. To resurrect what we laid down: Have you ever stopped to think, "What if Abraham had actually killed Isaac?" We don’t necessarily think about it because we already know the end of the story. But to Abraham, this was for real. He was killing his son. So how could he still trust God’s promise as he was in the act of killing it? How could God’s word be fulfilled like this? The other morning my friend teaching the Sabbath school lesson made a statement I’m still pondering: “Faith equals friendship.” Hmm… James 2:23 says that “’Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.’ And he was called the friend of God.” Abraham had such a friendship with God, that somehow he trusted the goodness of His friend, even in the face of a complete loss that made no sense. How? Hebrews 11:17-19 says, “By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac… of whom it was said, 'In Isaac your seed shall be called,' concluding that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead...” Abraham’s friendship with God was so deep that he believed his God would STILL keep the promise – even if it took raising the dead - something that had up to this point never happened in the world’s history - in order to do it.
And that’s a question for me to ask: Do I trust God like THAT? Do I trust His Word like that? Sure, I can realize that sometimes God may want to test if I’m willing to sacrifice the dreams, but in the end He’ll either not make me go through with it or will provide something better, right? I can handle those options. But what about when the dreams really die? When no hand stops the knife and no alternate door or window seems to open? Will I trust Him then? Abraham did. Because he knew the power of his Friend. He believed that even out of the ashes of destroyed dreams, God could resurrect life.
Personally, I feel like I’ve had to lay some dreams on the altar recently, and I can’t say it’s fully been with the heart of faith of Abraham…. In fact, I feel I should be writing this later - when I have some wonderful success story to report! Instead I sit here today staring at some lifeless dreams, wondering what happens next. Maybe you can relate. But I guess this is faith. When things AREN’T seen, yet we believe anyways. It’s being a friend of God to the extent that we trust He will yet do something. That whether the dreams were sacrificed at His request - or even if we killed them through our own mistakes and failings – He is still able. He will still fulfill His word. He can bring life out of death. And someday I will write the testimony. But today, I must trust the Resurrector of dreams. Lord, help me be Your friend…
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