Expectations

From March 29, 2015

“To be honest, I really like being your friend and I think you’re great, but I don’t really expect much from you. I’m sorry….”  

The statement could have offended me, but actually it didn't.  Because to tell the truth, I didn’t expect much either. I too have been disappointed a lot of times.  Call it the results of having to say goodbye too many times, difficult past experiences, or whatever, but as a result, I also find myself expecting little out of my friendships. 

“Expectation is the root of all heartache,” said William Shakespeare.  And it makes so much sense.  Don’t expect much = don’t get disappointed much. Right?  But it's not really true. Whether we try to manage our expectations or not, something inside us still hopes, and something inside us is still disappointed.  Even if we say, "I knew this would happen," it still hurts.  No, just managing expectations can’t solve things. But it seems protective.  So we do it easily.

And then there’s God.  What do I expect from God? Even though I may intellectually know that God is supposed to be the only one who will never let me down, that may not be how I’ve always felt. And I think it comes through in how I pray even: “God, if it’s not too much to ask…  I mean, if it’s in Your will…  Because I know sometimes we have to go through trials, but…  Maybe, if it’s okay, would you do _________?”  It’s almost like we’re trying to loosen God’s obligation.  Because, well, what if it doesn’t happen?  It can seem to lead to two options:

a) I feel bad because I must have messed up on what/how I was asking in some way, or 

b) God just didn’t come through for me.  He failed me.

And if option “b” is the case, then what would that do to my faith system? Who CAN I trust?  So in order to avoid the possibility that God won’t be trustworthy, we kind of “give Him the easy way out.”  We don’t expect too much.  We’re really doing both of us a favor.

But we’re not.  We’re not actually doing anyone a favor.  In James 4:3 we are told that, “you do not have because you do not ask.”  In fact, when people were afraid to ask, it seemed to make Jesus sad and possibly even angry!  Take Mark 1:40 for instance.  A man with leprosy comes to Jesus stating, “If You are willing, You can make me clean.” In response, verse 41 in the NKJV says Jesus was “moved with compassion.”  Or to put it more strongly, the NIV says He was “indignant.”  I’m sure He was indignant at the results of our sinful world that this poor man was experiencing, but it also seems to imply that Jesus may have been indignant at the fact that a suffering person would think that He might not be WILLING to help him!  Is this what their picture of God had come to?  The Son of God came into the world and they expected so little?

Similarly, in Mark 9, we find that this lack of expectation is again the cause of Jesus’ frustration.  A family with a demon possessed son brought him to Jesus saying, “But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us” (vs. 22).  “’If you can?’” said Jesus. ‘Everything is possible for one who believes.’” (vs. 23, NIV).  I can just hear the sad questioning in His voice – “If I can?? You don’t think I can do this?”  This is the same crowd that made Jesus exclaim, “You unbelieving generation…. How long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you?” (vs. 19).

And I wonder if it’s any different today.  Either we believe that God might be unwilling or fear that He is unable.  So we expect little.  We’ve been let down by so many people in life that we expect to be let down by God as well.  And maybe we’ve even felt let down by God.  I definitely can’t say that there aren’t things I can’t understand, prayers that seem unanswered, or things that happen in this battle between good and evil that aren’t as God would have them. Yet we’re told that we have a God that loves to give good gifts to his children (Matt. 7:11), we’re told that He will supply all our needs (Phil. 4:19), we’re told that we will not lack any good thing (Ps. 34:10).  And this from the God who promises to do “exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think (Eph. 3:20). 

So have we even given God a chance to exceed our expectations?  Have we been willing to step out and risk it?  To hold Him to His word?  Because if we test Him and find that God does indeed meet our expectations, it might just free us to expect more out of others too – knowing that even IF they let us down, we will still be okay.  We are secure.

“I’ve been disappointed enough times so I have lower expectations.  You don’t owe it to me to be a good friend or even a good person.” 

No my friend, I don’t owe it to you.  But neither does God owe it to me.  And I’m starting to learn that I can count on that.  I’m starting to learn how to give what I’ve been given.  And in the process I’m starting to learn to expect more.